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Sunday, May 11, 2014

You're the Mom of 2 Toddlers When...

A lot of mommy bloggers have written about the quirks of toddlers and made lists like this one.  I haven't read any from mom's of more than one toddler, though.  Here is my list:

You Know You're the Mom of Two Toddlers When:

- you can open two cheese sticks in the time it takes most people to open one

- your purse has been completely taken over by the kids and is now a "mommy bag," complete with crumbs and 5 lbs of liquids (bottles, sippy cups, water bottles, etc).

- you can gracefully hit the twin stick popsicles on counter to break them into "sharing size."

- you say "those are not words" and "careful with each other" more times than you care to count

- you have couches for jumping, a climbing structure inside, a tent in the living room, a boat in the bathtub, and constant food on the floor

- someone is always naked

- you're intimately antiquated with your children's bodily functions and can identify the pooper by the smell (we have 3 in diapers the majority of the time).

- you understand the difference between "children's music," "kids' music," "pickle music," "different pickle music," "new pickle music," "church songs," "Bible songs," and "children's church songs," which are all names of specific CD's in toddler-land, not just types.

- you constantly feel like a ping pong ball, running from one need to the next.

- you have a song for every occasion.

- you have no qualms about singing those songs in public if it'll get the job done faster.

- you count a lot, but only to 3 or 5.

- you blame the clock to avoid a fight (the clock says it's bedtime).

- a bath is rarely for washing (always for playing).

- socks are a useless extra since they rarely make it out of the car.

- you spend time demonstrating "why we wear our seat belts" every time you get in the car.

- everything "not for kids" is piled up where the kids can't reach it.

- undoing child locks is second nature.

- you shop other moms' houses for their toddler-proofing ideas

- sometimes you just have to talk like a toddler ("I can't like that")

- you spend a lot of time in time out (and Wal-mart).

- you're a master at wrangling kids where they don't want to go.

- your walls are decorated with coloring, food smears, and fingerprints.

- you don't own any plain bandaids, just cartoon and colored ones.

- you frequently converse about toilets and how to use them (and not use them).

- you own way too much plastic-ware but can never find the sippy cups at nap time.

- having someone else's drool, snot, or spit up on you doesn't even bother you anymore.

- you can't bear to wipe away the hand prints from the window because they represent a moment in time.

- you know all the words to the kids' songs.

- you duct tape everything: diapers, toilet seats, light switches, drawers, etc (it's our favorite toddler-proofing method).

-  the garbage is always migrating out of the trash can.

- books finally get thrown away after being chewed and ripped, thrown in the full bath tub, and finally getting drown in the toilet.

- you let the kids play "giant stickers" with the sanitary pads because at least they're happy/busy/content/occupied for a while.

- trips to Wal-mart include special detours to the hunting section to see the "deer/elk" (taxidermy animals).

- you have wipes stashed all over the house: in the car, the diaper bag, your purse, the kitchen table....

- your toddler asks you to stop at the latte stand so she can get a lollipop.

- making "mac-a-oni" and cheese makes you feel like a hero because of how happy it makes the kids.

I'm guessing that's more than you wanted to know about our life.  I had a lot of fun writing it, though.  I dedicate it to all the mothers who can relate way too easily to some or all of this list.

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